Laziness as a Label
As educators, we often hear teachers and parents use the word ‘lazy’ to describe students. In our experience, we’ve never met a child who truly fits that description. It’s very easy to buy into the myth of the “lazy teenager’’ and assume that your child prefers to do nothing all day but sleep and play video games; however, this really isn’t the case.
Humans, as a species, are dynamic, creative, and inventive. Your child may seem “lazy” when it comes to school, but they will be motivated by many other things, e.g. gaming, friendships etc. Thankfully, this lack of motivation and engagement with education can change; it isn’t permanent.
If your child continually hears the term ‘lazy’ being applied to them, they may continue to act that way. We need to separate the child from their behavior to affect any change. There are always reasons behind their so-called ‘laziness’, so we prefer to use the term ‘demotivated’ instead.
If you are to put your child on the road to success in school, you must first determine why they are demotivated. Why aren’t they working harder? Often, what looks like laziness on the outside may actually be the lack of energy inside. Besides being physically weary, ‘lazy’ kids may also be bored, discouraged, and mentally unmotivated.
Starting the Conversation
The first step is to establish what is going on for your child, not just in school but in life in general. Whilst you may feel extremely frustrated, we’d encourage you to shift your viewpoint and consider the situation from your child’s perspective. Motivation is linked to confidence; however, a fear of failure and success can lead to demotivation. Your child’s perception of what they’re capable of achieving may differ from what they actually can achieve.
Many children, especially teenagers, find themselves in the following situation:
- Try and fail
- Try and succeed and then feel the pressure to continue to succeed.
The above scenarios can lead to children creating a 3rd option:
- Don’t try.
All of the above can lead to children acting lazy and not feeling a sense of achievement and growth, and this causes pain and sadness.
When opening your discussion, maybe start with something like:
“I can tell that you’re hurting. I know you’re not a lazy person, so something really tough must be keeping you from showing who you really are. I’d like to help you figure out what that is and work through it.”
Be prepared for them to deny this at first. It’s not uncommon for teens to not truly understand what is going on with their feelings and emotions; therefore, verbalizing their fears and concerns may be too difficult at first, but with your support, they will slowly begin to understand.
Here are some of the most common yet hidden causes of the “lazy child” appearance.
Learning Needs
Many lazy children are misunderstood kids who are silently dealing with their unidentified learning disabilities. This has certainly been my experience. Most children want to do well because it makes them proud and confident; the other option can be so emotionally debilitating and embarrassing that they just give up. They don’t know what a learning need is, so they believe that low grades or lack of success are their fault. This leads to a lack of confidence and disengagement, i.e. behaving in a way that is seen as laziness. These difficulties cause them to become disinterested in learning and to lose motivation.
A study by the Queensland University of Technology in Australia evaluated 20 children aged 7 to 10 years old who were regarded as lazy by their parents and teachers. Close examinations revealed that 17 of the 20 children suffered from a range of learning difficulties and significant problems with attention1.
Sleep Issues
Lack of sleep can make a child appear lazy and unmotivated. When a child is not well-rested at night, they become tired during the day and have less motivation to achieve. Insufficient sleep can affect the child’s learning and academic performance.
Sleep deprivation can be due to staying up too late watching YouTube, playing video games, or chatting with friends online. In addition to delayed bedtime, electronic devices emit blue light and can also affect a child’s sleep quality.
Depression / Anxiety / Stress
Children who suffer from depression, anxiety and stress all have diminished motivation and decreased energy to pursue activities.
The above illnesses are prevalent among children and adolescents in school who are not performing well in school. Children don’t necessarily need an anxiety disorder diagnosis to be affected. Kids with academic anxiety also suffer from lower intrinsic motivation to study.
Strained Parent-Child Relationship
A close, warm, and supportive parent/child relationship can motivate children to learn. On the flip side, a strained relationship can create stress for a child and make them feel demotivated.
Bullying
Bullying and teasing can affect the child’s competence and performance in school. It can also result in cognitive impairments—greater concentration difficulties and poorer motivation.
Conclusion: “Why Is My Kid Lazy”
All of these reasons can lead to stress for children. If we want to motivate our kids, we need to identify the hidden cause for their lack of motivation so we can remove the stressor accordingly.